Porcelain Doll
by Pende-chan
Summary: The war is over, harry defeated YouKnowWho, and was left with emptyness. So he decides to travel in a soul searching trip. In a goodbye matter he and Hermione spent one night together. And after he's gone, she finds out she's pregnant...
1. Chapter 1

After reading an awfull fic about the cliche idea of hermione getting pregnant and then leaving. I got inspired :).

**Title: Porlelain Doll**

**Summary: **The war is over, harry defeated You-Know-Who, and was left with emptyness. So he decides to travel in a soul searching trip. In a goodbye matter he and Hermionespent onenighttogether. And after he's gone, she finds out that she's pregnant...

* * *

It was a clear summer night. A light breeze played with her long brown hair and silver dress. The green grass felt soft under her naked feet. Her shoes lay on the ground, long forgotten behind her. The moon made her look like a porcelain doll; beautiful, perfect, fragile and most of all untouchable. She heard some noise behind. But she didn't turn to see the cause of it. There was no need. Clearly they had found out she was missing from the party and had come to get her. She kept waking slowly, with no change in her pace to acknowledge the presence behind her.

"You look beautiful tonight."

_Thanks _she thought. But still she kept on walking slowly giving no sign that she had actually heard him.

"I have to do this." The voice continued, insistently.

_I know_ the walking continued and he followed her.

"I don't want to leave you, but I feel lost… Something's missing Hermione. And I don't know what it is. I have to find it." His voice and movements seemed to show he was incredibly desperate to reach her. So much, that from an outsider it looked like he was trying to reach for the wind: so close, yet so far away. "I know you need me here… I know it's hard for all of us. But you have to understand…"

_I do… so much that it hurts… _He was walking beside her now.

"I don't want to say goodbye to you like this. Please look at me and tell me that you'll be here, that you will always be my best fried. I need to know that when I came back you and Ron will still be my best friends. Please say something… I'd do anything for you to understand." And then she stopped. And he stepped in front of her. When he did, he found her eyes finally on him. Staring into his own. A moment passed and the wind kept playing with her dress and hair. And then she finally answered "Be with me." Sadness and loneliness were clearly seen in her eyes. Just like in his. "Just tonight." she said after placing her right hand on his face. And then he answered "Yes."

He sat on her bed fully clothed, his eyes cast down, lost in what ever was in the carpet. She was still in bed, just a white sheet covering her naked body and looking at his back. "Why?" he asked still sitting there. She didn't move just answered "Because I understand, because I feel the same, something's missing for me too" she turned to stare at the ceiling of her room. "Since when?" he asked turning around to look at her "Since they died." she said. He nodded in understanding, and stood up. "Goodbye Hermione," he walked to the door and stopped in the frame "Maybe when I return we can continue this." She smiled still looking at the ceiling. "There's nothing to continue." she said and looked at his back. "Goodbye Harry, travel safe" And he disappeared.

* * *

"…And then he asked me out! Can you believe it? Me and Draco! This is so bizarre!" Ginny was sitting across from her in a muggle restaurant, always a better place to gossip around. It was late, around 11… late considering she had work tomorrow morning and they had just arrived. Ginny took a sip of her soda and continued "But it's amazing and he is so passionate in bed! Mmm just the thought of it turns me on! Oh god Hermione you were so right! He's perfect for me!"

She smiled to her red haired friend. After the war ended a few months ago and everyone seemed so happy. They were all looking for a romance, a good job, pieces that easily fell into place for everyone. Maybe even for her. She had a good job as a mediwitch. After training 3 years directly with Madam Pomfrey during the war, finding a job was a piece of cake. She had a nice flat, a flat that she shared with Ginny. And had ended to decorate the day before, during her 3 months anniversary of living in it.. And now they were celebrating.

"I knew you were going to like him! I just knew it! I always thought that you two would be together." Hermione said as excited as Ginny was.

"Of course you did. I mean I know you two dated a while during the war but –"

Hermione stopped her next words with a wave of her hand. "Don't go there Gin. It was 2 years ago and it lasted just a few months, plus we broke up because we both knew it was just lust. And you know this!"

"All right, all right I get it. Now the question is: When will you find someone to make **you** crazy? Ron's still around…" Ginny said winking at Hermione.

"No he isn't! He's with Luna now. And Ron and I are just friends. And I'd like to keep it that way, thank you very much." The waiter walked up with their food and the girls waited until he had walked away.

"Mmm I'm starving!" Ginny wasted no time and started eating. "Ohh my god. This is really good." She looked at the girl in front of her that had a funny look on her face. "What's wrong? Is there something wrong with the food? Looks fine to me."

Hermione took a deep breath and gulped down the glass of water that she had been drinking "I think the fish is bad… the smell of it is making me sick." She pushed the plate away.

"Still not feeling well I see… told you not to eat that pizza… it had been in the freezer for days!" Ginny made a gesture with her to call the waiter. "Could you please wrap this to go? And bring the check." She asked him signaling the food.

"Certainly miss, anything else you need?" Obviously he was trying to gain a good tip

"No just that, thank you" The waiter took the plates and left.

"Oh thank god… one more minute and I'm sure I would have thrown up."

"Thank god you didn't. I think you should see a doctor…" Ginny said knowing she was entering dangerous territory. Telling Hermione that she needed to see a doctor was always difficult.

"What for? I am a mediwitch, remember?" Hermione asked making fun of her friend comment.

"Then do something about it! I'm tired of watching you sick all the time! God Hermione it's not like you are pregnant or something!" Silence.

Hermione stopped breathing. "A calendar! I need a calendar!" She quickly graved her purse and starting searching. "It can't be I'm on the pill and I never forget to take it" She keep searching "The only time that I forgot was for Harry's birthday…. Party." The last word barely a murmur. "Oh my god…" She stood up and run out of the restaurant.

"Hermione Wait!" Ginny didn't follow "What the hell was that about?"

* * *

"So… how does this work?" Ginny asked. It had been an hour since Hermione had left her in the restaurant. And now they were in their flat's bathroom with a muggle pregnancy test in Hermione's hand.

"It says here that if it turns pink am pregnant if it's blue I'm not" Hermione took a deep breath "just 2 more minutes" she said.

"Hermione?"

"Yes?"

"Who?"

"Ginny please don't do this now"

"C'mon Hermione, you don't have a boyfriend and haven't for at least a year. I'm sorry if I want to know who fucked my best friend." Silence again.

"Don't say it like that." Hermione said softly.

"Like what?" Ginny was clearly exasperated.

"Like I'm some kind of tramp or something." Hermione said looking at Ginny's eyes. The pregnancy test was still in her hand.

Ginny took a deep breath. And looked the time. "Three" she simply said.

"I'm afraid" Hermione still looked at Ginny. "I can't see it. What if I am? What am I going to do?"

"It doesn't matter what you choose to do I'll be here to support you always." Ginny said with a small smile on her face.

"Okay…" she looked. And stood still. Took a deep breath and throw the test into the garbage. She walked out of the bathroom to the living room and sat on the big couch and then stood up again. She walked to the fire place and stared for what seemed to be hours at a picture Ron, Harry and her. Ginny following her every move with her eyes.

"Harry." Hermione said in a whisper.

"What was that?" Ginny said sitting on a chair.

"Harry's the father. And I'm keeping it." Silence…

"Harry?... but how? No, I mean I know how, but… why? You two weren't together right?... Oh my god you were! And he left any way! What a bastard!" Ginny spoke with every single emotion showing.

"We weren't together Ginny it was just that time. And he had to go. I understand him."

"You understand him? God… what are you gonna do?"

"I think tomorrow I'll go the doctor… And I think people have to find out… I don't want them to know when I'm already showing."

"I stay by what I said before 'Mione. I'll help you in anything you might need."

"Thanks Ginny… I needed to hear that."

* * *

Telling Ron was no easy thing. He threatened to search for Harry even if they didn't know were he was. After all Harry had left almost 6 weeks ago. 3 years after leaving Hogwarts. After 3 years of a hard and painful war that had finally ended and that had left him empty. He had left to find himself. At least that's what he had said that night when he announced that he was leaving the next morning. And he still hadn't contacted them.

The Weasleys had been surprisingly understanding and Molly, who was now practically a surrogate mother to Hermione, had offered her total support.

* * *

3 months and 2 weeks and she was barely showing. She placed her hand on her stomach and smiled. She thought of Harry. Where could he be? Was he happy? Had he found it? She had… She had found it. After telling everyone, after things had calmed down and she could sit calmly to think she realized it. She was no longer empty, no longer searching; it had found her, that missing piece. Her baby. Hayley, she had named her, after finding out the sex of the baby. She had hated having to refer to her as an it. Now that she had given her a name, Hermione felt at peace. Because now whatever thing that had been missing since her parents death at the hand of death eaters, was filled by Hayley and it was perfect. Almost. 


	2. Chapter 2

_Two months before Harry's Birthday party _

The door bell rang. An unmistakable sign that whatever peaceful moment Hermione was having had just come to an end. She found a way to leave the comfort of her bed, and went to answer the door. Winter was approaching and warm nights were already a forgotten idea, but she still found it warm enough not to bother in warmer clothing. White top and blue boxers still did the charm for her. The fact that those were Harry's boxers was not the reason, at all. She took a look in the hallway mirror before opening the door. Never mind the time, never mind that she was ready to turn and fall sleep, not looking at least presentable wasn't an option. You never knew who could be knocking. Satisfied with her looks she opened the door. A figure quickly walked in followed by a cold breeze.

"It's freezing outside!" She complained to her visitor. He took a look at her outfit.

"Jeez, in that awfully big sweeter and pants, and you're still cold? You **are** mental" He said taking of his coat. She made an impolite gesture with her hand and walked to the kitchen.

"Something to drink? How about some hot chocolate?"

"Sounds great, but first young lady would you please put something on, just by looking at you I get cold. And while you're at it, would there be any chance of you returning my boxers? Those are my favorite ones" He said looking at her with pleading eyes

"Fat chance, they're my favorite too! Don't you like how I look on them?" She said turning around making him obviously nervous. Harry's shy nature made him turn away. She always wondered why he got all nervous when she made any kind on insinuations on him, Ron never seem to mind.

"I no longer have blue boxers..." He said in an exasperated tone, to himself

"Green does look better on you hon'. Anyway you do the hot chocolate while I change" and by saying that she left.

Fifteen minutes later they were both on the kitchen table drinking Harry's famous hot chocolate.

"Did I wake you up?" He said finally realizing that she wore his boxers to bed.

"No… I was writing. But why are you here so late on a Sunday? Don't you have training tomorrow morning?" She blew the steam of her cup and took a small tentative sip. Her eyes were lost in the brown colored liquid. She knew that he had quidditch training, but she also knew that he's seeker skills were natural enough to just skip one morning practice.

"Yeah, bright and early. But I slept all afternoon and I don't think I'll be able to sleep even if I tried to"

"I see… so you decided to come and annoy the hell out of me because unlike you I don't have anything to do. Am I right?"

"It sounded like a wise plan" A guilty smile framing his face

"Does the fact that I've got to be at the hospital tomorrow, means absolutely nothing to you lot? Ron does the same, pops in anytime with whatever reason. Just so you know I **have** to be at the hospital tomorrow morning!" Clearly lack of sleep made her grumpy. But Harry already knew this, it was a Hermione thing. Grumpy when hungry and when sleep depraved. So he wasn't bothered by her grumpiness at all.

"Sorry. So what you were writing? Medic stuff?" he took a sip of chocolate "Looks like our lovely bookworm has changed her ways if she's doing homework at this time." A grin in his handsome face. Maybe he's and Ron's influence had finally paid off.

"You wish… I wasn't doing work. I was just…" The last word pronounced so low that no sound came from her mouth.

"Just…" She took a deep breath as he leaned forward on the table with a curious cat look.

"Writing thoughts"

"Thoughts? As in a new research kind of thought?" He sat back again, uninterested.

"As in a diary kind of thought" She said. That gained back all of he's lost interest in the conversation.

"You keep a diary, Since when? Hell! That's new" The surprised-angry look appeared on her face

"What do you mean that's new? I've keep a diary for a long time"

"Really? Wow it surprises me I just found out, wait till Ron hears about this" He's face making amused gestures, provably already imagining Ron's face after hearing such unusual news

"What surprises you? The fact that I keep a diary? Or that you didn't know about it?" Another sip of chocolate, a longer one this time. The brew was at it's perfect temperature now.

"Both… You keeping a diary… it's so unlike you. And me not knowing…"

"So much you don't know" She said trying to convince him of this, but failing miserably. He knew everything there was to know of her. And she knew everything there was about him. "Now, what's the **real **reason you're here? Because I know for a fact that Ron doesn't mind a late night drink, even if he's got work in the morning. Plus, seeing as he's living with you…" she made a gesture with her hand to emphasize the fact that it was obvious Ron was Harry's first choice.

"Carla"

"Carla? Who the hell is Carla?"

"Blond hair, long legs, big-" Her hands went quickly to cover virgin ears.

"Stop! Waaay too much information there" He laughed at her. Who would have thought that Ron's escapades made her so uncomfortable?

"Sorry… But now you get the picture"

"Yeah… not a pretty one. He's such a guy." Apparently not a good commentary, because he quickly left his relax posture in exchange of a tense and slightly paranoid one.

"What do you mean?" But somehow Hermione didn't seemed to notice this, or acted very well, because she just drank more chocolate and laid back on her chair.

"You know! New girl every weekend barely knows they're names, never calls them again… He's… Joey!" This last two words were said with the help of a exaggerated hand movement and finger clicking.

"Joey? As in Friends Joey?" The tense posture still there. The empty chocolate cup forgotten on the table.

"Yeah! There's this chapter when he says _When I date a girl I got to know that I'm seeing more people than she is"_ Her acting skills kicking in again. She used the most masculine tone she could come up with and a funny look on her face. This made him loose his tense posture at once and laugh was quickly filling the atmosphere again.

"You watch too much TV" He said in between laughs "But what's this thing of being a guy? Am I not a guy because I don't sleep around like he does?" A funny tone of voice, clearly making fun of her and very secured of his own masculinity.

"No! you are just different…" Somehow, and out of nowhere she blushed and spoke in a low tone of voice.

"Don't say that, makes me sound gay!" Noticing that she was uncomfortable he decided for the hurtful approach

"Gay? Hardly, trust me, you are very testosterone. The thing is, you, unlike Ron, are looking for a real relationship, for stability. And that's very uncommon in a 20 years old man. And it's okay, I mean, it's perfectly understandable after everything you've been through, wanting to just have peace." A long secure sentence always made her came back to her senses when in a uncomfortable situation.

"Guess you right…" She said standing up to begin cleaning up the recently left mess. "So… Still looking for a new place? I kind of like this one" He made a quick movement with his wand and everything was clean and in the right place. She smiled and walked out of the kitchen while speaking.

"Too small, too dark, too far away and too expensive. I want a big place, but I think I'll search for a roommate too. Maybe Ginny would be interested" She entered the living room and sat in the couch.

"Wow this place sucks" he said laughing and taking the place next to her "But why a roommate? I thought you liked you're independence"

"I do, but it's nice knowing that when you get home after a long day, there's someone to share a cup of tee with. And who better than my best girl friend?" She hugged him and kissed him in the cheek "I'm tired…" She stood up and yawned "I'll go to bed you can stay here, you have the TV, and there are blankets in the hallway closet" He smiled at her and went to get the blankets

"Thanks for letting me stay" He yelled at her retreating form. She leaned in the door frame of her room, gave him a look and simply answered.

"Goodnight Harry"

"Night 'Mione"

Hermione entered the hospital in a hurry. It wasn't an every day thing. She was never late, but lately she had found an odd comfort in staying in bed longer than she should… _Just five more minutes_. Five turned in ten, and then 15. The pregnancy had slowly started to take it's toll on her. Tiring her faster… forcing her to stay in bed longer than expected… She was just around 10 weeks pregnant, and still not showing. And so far only a handful of people knew. She was after all a very public figure… Being best friends with the boy who lived, twice, made it impossible for her to keep a low profile life, as she would have liked. It had it perks though… everybody knew her name, and therefore knew about her intelligence and the importance she'd had in the downfall of Voldemort. This forced everyone to respect her. When she spoke they all keep silent, because when she opened her mouth to say something it was always worth listening. And as she was the youngest medi-witch in the hospital, such respect was a need.

As soon as she entered a nurse walked to her with a package in her hands. "Miss Granger, this arrived for you. It has no address written on it, and no name. The owl just left the package and flew away with out waiting for a reply" Hermione took the package from the nurse, gave her thanks and went in search of a calm place to open such package. It was clearly a book. She shape and weight were a dead give away. The odd thing was that it was sent to the hospital… Why not her house? The last book she had mail ordered arrived at home… She remembered because Ginny had received it and made a huge deal about having to tip the owl. But this Owl didn't wait for the tip according to the nurse…

She found an empty room and walked in. She carefully opened the package with out tearing the brown paper in which was wrapped, and found out that it wasn't a book at all, it was diary. She opened it and in the first page there was a handwritten message. She took a deep breath out of surprise "Harry's writing…" she said in barely a murmur

_Dear 'Mione:_

_I found this and made me think of you… I somehow got the idea that I wanted to know everything that was happening there, and I remembered your secret diary thing. Write about everything I'll miss… I'll read it when I get back. _

_Did you move already? I sent an owl to you're old place and it returned with the package… I didn't know where else to send it, so I just send it to the hospital, hope you don't get into trouble…_

_Love_

_Harry_

Tears were framing her face as soon as she finished reading. It calmed her somehow that he had shown signs of being alive. She never thought he would have died, or that something tragic had happened… But somehow she found herself in peace after reading this letter. It was utterly simple, so… him. Such a strong proof that their relation ship wasn't broken. He didn't need to say that he was fine, didn't need to tell that he missed her, didn't need to write a long letter of love promises and rainbows… It would have been a lie, and so unlike them. This simple letter was whatever reassurance she needed to understand that they still were Harry and Hermione. No false words, no half truths, no empty promises, just them.

_Time elapsed: 12 weeks _

_Ron was here today, we had lunch together. He finally told me what he's been up to this past 2 months; he's opening a Café/Pub in Diagon alley. I couldn't believe it, but he has everything ready. Apparently he didn't want to tell anyone about it until he had bought the place. We went there after lunch, It's perfect he wants to enchant the walls and ceiling so having it look like a floating terrace. The general idea is to have a quidditch theme, so having it look a floating terrace is a great idea. I'm already searching for the right spells; I forced him to stop at the bookstore to get some books in the subject. After that some people came over to have a small celebration, just a few drinks. The sad part is that I was tired that I couldn't stay long… I swear that I've been more sleepy and tired since I got pregnant. _


	3. Chapter 3

_Finally I've finished this... It's been a terrible month and a half... Hopefully I'll be able to finish chap 4 a little bit faster... :P_

_I asked my fantastic beta to "fix" chapter 1... So go check it up._

* * *

_The night before Harry went away… _

"Be with me" she simply said. Sadness, loneliness were clearly seen in her eyes. Just like in his. "Just tonight," she added after placing her right hand on his face. And then he answered: "Yes"

They walked back to the Burrow. He picked up her shoes "Don't leave your shoes lying around…" He smiled at her "Sit" he said signaling the stairs. She did and he kneeled in front of her to put her right shoe back on. She just sat there and let him do what ever he wanted to. "I know you hate walking in high heels" He said and proceeded to put on the left one "But I adore it when you do…" He then placed his hands in her knees.

"Why?" She simply asked.

"Because when you do, it's only because you're wearing a dress, and in a dress you look like a porcelain doll…Like the one I gave you on your birthday" he smiled and stood up extending his hand to help her. And then they entered and said goodbye to everyone inside.

As soon as they apparated into her flat he took her in his arms and kissed her deeply. She answered with equal desire. His arms found their way to her back and started caressing her slowly as if testing the waters. She moaned and separated a few inches from him. She let her hair loose and walked to the bedroom. As soon as she entered, she took off her shoes and then her earrings and necklace, dropped them in her vanity and turned around. Harry was there wearing pants and an open shirt, he extended his hand and she walked to him. He caressed her face with his own and his hands played with the dress straps. "Don't tell me to stop" his face had now moved to her neck placing small kisses on the way "I don't think I could handle it" his breathing was now more raspy.

She had placed her hands on his abs and slowly moved them diagonally to his shoulders, then his arms, taking his shirt with her hands. "I would never do such a thing" she replied. And they kissed for the second time in their lives. Hunger drove them to the bed and no more coherent words were spoken.

A while later they were wrapped in each others arms. Hermione had placed her head on Harry's chest and was drawing incoherent patterns with her finger. Harry was playing with Hermione's hair, both arms around her. "I don't want to leave you" he said kissing the top of her head "Ask me to stay and I will"

She moved her head in a negative motion "I won't ask such a thing"

"All right…" he said taking a deep breath "Then come with me"

"No"

Another deep breath "I knew you wouldn't"

"If you knew, then why ask?" she said turning her face to look at him in the eyes.

"Because I would have regretted if I didn't" he said with a faint smile

"You know that I…" She didn't continue her phrase.

"I know" He smiled at her "And you know I-" She didn't let him finish

"Yes Harry, I know" She answered with a smile too.

"Good" he held her closer and dropped a light kiss in her lips "I'll still go"

"I know Harry… don't think I've ever believed you wouldn't" he nodded and then looked at her with surprise

"No! This isn't just one night-" She silenced him with a finger and smiled.

"You don't have to explain yourself to me. You never have" she was now kissing his face slowly, savoring every kiss as if it were the last. "I know it isn't, and I understand"

Then he kissed her as if he had never done so before, as if this were the last time they would see each other, as if this were the last time he would be able to do so.

* * *

Sometime earlier during the three years of war

"Tell me what you want for your birthday" Harry, Hermione and Ron were in Harry's Room in Grimauld place. Harry sat on the bed playing with a snitch, letting it go and then catching it again. Ron was lying near him on the bed his arms wide open as he looked at the ceiling. After 2 hours of discussion, it was Harry who got tired of the discussion about horcruxes and war, and decided to change the subject.

"I have no idea what to get, and please don't say a book. I'd like to give you something more interesting"

"Let me tell you, Harry Potter, that I find books highly interesting" said Hermione who was sitting in the desk chair, right elbow on the desk and her head on her right hand.

"Oh c'mon Hermione, Harry means something fun!" Said Ron with out even moving from his position.

"Thanks mate" Harry laughed and continued "What are you getting her?"

"I'm right here you know!" Hermione waved her left hand to prove her point.

"A book" Answered Ron.

"You ruined the surprise!" she said annoyed "You are supposed to surprise me in my birthday! What's the idea of getting me something if I already know what it is?"

"Don't worry, I still haven't told what book I got you" He said with a typical Ron smile. "I think you should get her a…" He said the last word on Harry's ear so Hermione couldn't hear.

"No! Damnit Ron! Where did you get that idea!" yelled an slightly flushed Harry.

"What? What did he said?" Hermione was now sitting on the bed too.

"Nothing!" Both boys said at the same time.

She made an annoyed sound and spoke "Never mind! I guess I don't want to know, right?" She said looking at both of them, one at the time.

"No 'Mione, you don't" said a now amused Harry, while Ron moved his head from left to right to emphasize Harry's words. At that moment Ginny entered the room in a hurry.

"Hermione! Great! Madam Pomfrey is down stairs looking for you."

"Oh! Right I was supposed to meet her today!" She quickly left the room after that.

"So... What are you guys talking about" Ginny asked taking Hermione's place in the bed.

"Oh right! Ginny you could help! What can Harry give to Hermione for her birthday?" Ron asked as he sat down next to his sister.

"Mmm I don't know… Perfume?" She tried.

"No… I gave her one for last Christmas" Answered Harry.

"Okay… How about jewelry?"

"No… I want to give her something different"

"Oh God, Harry! You are her best friend think of something your self!" Ginny answered angry, leaving the two boys alone

"She's still hung up on you…" said Ron after a while.

"We've discussed this…" Harry said messing his hair with both hands in an annoyed way "She and I… It's just not going to work."

"I know mate… But I would have liked it if you two got together again…"

* * *

Hermione's 19th Birthday (Before Harry went away)

Night after celebrating

Harry appeared with a silver package on his hand. "Hey! Harry! Your back! C'mon have a drink! There's still plenty!" Said a very pissed Ron.

After a very loud and tiring party at Grimmauld Place some had decided to continue the evening with a bottle of Firewhisky and some Butterbeer. When the twins had gone for the Firewhisky Harry had gone to pick the present he had for Hermione. He had asked Hermione's mother help and she had gladly accepted. The present had been at the Granger's residence and he had had to take a quick trip there unnoticed to pick it up.

"Here Harry, I've served you a glass" Said Ginny in what could only be described as a sexy-drunk voice.

"No thanks Ginny, I've got something to do first." He said looking around the room "Where's Hermione?" He asked after noticing the birthday girl was nowhere to be found.

"She left a while ago, she should be in her room… or Draco's." But Harry didn't hear the last words Ron had spoken because he had already ran up the stairs.

Once he had reached Hermione's room door he could clearly hear sounds from inside. Moaning and groaning sounds to be more specific. He stood there shocked. Since when did Hermione and Draco have been doing that? He knew they were together; they had been a couple for a while. It was a logical thing for them to have sex, but to him it was completely wrong. She shouldn't be like those other girls, she wasn't supposed to go and have sex with the first guy that knocked on her door, she was better than that!

That was the night that she fell from the pedestal he had put her on. A remarkable night. A very unforgettable one.

"Forgot the silencing charm… huh?" Harry spoke to the door, and placed a silencing charm on it. No sound could be heard now… "Glorious silence" He said leaving the present on the floor near the door. "She'll see it tomorrow morning" And then he went back down stairs to accept that glass of Firewhisky Ginny had served him, knowing what that implied when drinking with his red haired ex-girlfriend. Apparently tonight was one of those "on again" moments in their relation ship

* * *

Next Morning

"What's that?" Asked Draco after opening the door "It's for you." he then took the card and handled it to Hermione who was a step behind "Who is it from?"

"I don't know." she looked at the card "It's from Harry."

"Oh! Late present from wonder boy." Draco said in a bored voice.

"I thought he didn't get me anything," she said taking the package on her hands.

"Well he did." he grabbed the package from her hand and placed it on a desk near the door. He then held her hand and started to walk out the room "Let's go, we've got the order meeting. You can open that later."

"No!" She let go of his hand and walked to the present. "I want to see what it is now!"

she nervously opened it, first taking the bow, and then tearing the silver wrapping paper apart. What was inside was as equally confusing as pretty "It's a doll… a porcelain doll!"

"Yeah really pretty, now c'mon babe, we're late."

"Why would he give me a doll?" she asked been dragged through the halls of the house towards the kitchen, were the meeting was held.

"I take it you don't like dolls?" He said slowing his pace, any mistake from Harry was always reason enough to be late to anything.

"No, I do. I like collection ones, but Harry doesn't know that." She looks at Draco with questioning eyes "Why would he give me a doll for my birthday?"

She stood there looking into his eyes searching for an answer that was clearly not there. To her it felt like one of those movie moments when suddenly starts to rain. A moment worthy of a sad song.

What was she doing with Draco? She had never asked herself that. In the 5 months of their relationship that question had never been an issue to her; everyone else had asked her that, and she had always found worthy answers to all of them. But she had never truly questioned herself that. She just was with him.

But there was no rain and no sad song. She was inside after all, and she was not the lead of a silly romantic movie. She was there holding hands with Draco, because she loved him, somehow… Maybe… Yes… what she felt for Draco was love. After all she was Hermione Granger, she was almost never wrong. And she wasn't going to start now, right?

* * *

Back in the present… 

Hermione's Diary

15 weeks

_I asked Ron and Ginny to be the Godparents of Hayley. They were both thrilled. It was a logical choice and I know you'll be okay with it. _

_Draco stayed the night again with Ginny, still forgetting the silencing charm… I had to cast one on my room; I do not want to hear him making sounds… somehow it brings back too many memories. He was after all my first... I don't think being with Draco was a mistake, it brought him to our side, and he definitely helped a lot. But maybe… I don't know… maybe I could have found you sooner. I think I really would have liked that. _

_The present I found the morning after my 19th birthday is something you've never explained, and I really want to know what it meant. It's both confusing and perfect. I've treasured it since you gave it to me._

…_Tell me Harry, if you hadn't heard us that night, would things have been different between us? _

* * *

_Okay... please review and tell me what you think... Good and Bad reviews are welcome... but no so bad... be nice :P_


	4. Chapter 4

I know this took way to long... I know I said I'd have weeks ago but... what can I say, fate just doesn't want me to finish this thing :). First I have troubles, then my dear beta does... and then I had to live with out internet for a couple week... (never thought how much I need it :s)

Extent between it's taken from the NANA manga, chapter 16

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When Tonks had announced she was pregnant, fear surrounded the order, they were all important targets and this situation made Tonks an even greater target. So she had to hide for most of her pregnancy, until war was over. It was a particular situation that brought hope back to everyone's hearts during war and what pushed Harry into taking the last step, facing Voldemort. And now just 6 weeks after that Tonks and Remus's baby had been born and it was this reason that brought Harry, Ron and Hermione into Saint Mungo's.

They quietly entered the room. Tonks was lying on the bed sleeping and Remus sited next to her, holding his son in his arms. At the sound of the door Remus Looked up and smiled at the three.

"Come near and see him" Harry was the first to do so.

"Wow man, you're a father now" Said Harry with a smile.

"Yes I am" answered Lupin with a proud smile.

"What's his name?" Asked Ron.

"Nathan. I want you all to meet Nathan Lupin" He said placing Nathan on Harry's arms "Hold your godson" He said.

"Godson?" Harry asked surprised.

"Yeah, Tonks and I decided this a while ago. We haven't decided on the Godmother yet though"

"How's Tonks?" Hermione finally spoke

"Fine. Drained. I can't blame her. I wouldn't have been able to do what she just did" He smiled at his sleeping wife.

"What did the Doctors said about Nathan inheriting your situation?" She asked fearfully

"He's fine" An ever greater smile followed this "He's not going to fear the full moon like his old man." A comfortable silence followed through. "Come Hermione, Hold him."

She took the baby in her arms and stood there watching him sleep. Suddenly a new feeling wrapped it self around her. She had never felt like this before… Hermione kept searching in her brain for words, phrases, sentences, anything she could say at that moment, but her brain wasn't in operative mode for the moment. All she could think was how incredible it felt to hold him like this, how tiny his hands were, his tiny nose, and mouth… "He's so tiny…" She said after a while. They all laughed and kept talking among them selves. But she was in her own world and couldn't hear them. This new wonderful feeling was drowning her and she couldn't stop it. And then it hit her. She wanted this, she wanted a child… She handed Remus the baby back, said a few words and quickly left the room. How could she want to have children? She had just turned 21. She couldn't be having this urges, it was silly. She still had so many years to worry about this, not now. She couldn't possibly want this now.

"'Mione!" Ron had followed her. "What's wrong?" he asked concerned

"I have rounds, and I'd forgotten. I'm sorry. See you guys tonight?" she said as normal as she could with her heart doing hundreds of flip flops inside.

"Yeah sure… Are you sure you are okay?" He asked clearly not convinced

"Of course I am. Go back there I'll see you later" And by saying this she walked away .

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Hermione's Diary

21 weeks

_Ginny went to have dinner with her family; I didn't feel like spending my Friday night surrounded of the Weasleys. The comfort I used to feel by it is now a clear echo of the family I do not have. Is this how you feel too around them? _

_Reading has turned into the air I breath and the need to go and buy new books is imminent. I have read every single one I posses at least twice. But going to Diagon alley means passing by the baby store. And that is something I'm currently dreading… I can't picture myself going there to buy Hayley anything alone. Because going alone means that people are going to start asking who is her father, and where the father is… Definitely not something I'm looking for, at all. I have avoided public magical places perfectly fine since the fact I'm expecting turned too obvious. I can always buy the items in a muggle store, and I can order the books by owl post. But I can't hide forever; the sooner word about the pregnancy goes out, the best… It would give time to deal with things before Hayley's arrival… _

_I went to my check up yesterday morning. Kate, my doctor, said I shouldn't stay too much time on my feet and that I shouldn't push myself from now on. Can you picture me doing that? I'm going to drive myself crazy before Hayley's born… Apparently our girl is a night owl, I'm having the hardest time trying to sleep because she keeps moving and kicking during night time. I wish you were here to feel it. _

_Do you remember the time we talked about having children in that small coffee place? I now know I can lie to myself, because I lied to you and forced my self so strongly to believe that lie, that in some way I did. I wanted it to happen then, not in the future. I didn't cared about marriage or anything else, I just wanted it to happen. How sad it that? Maybe If I had told my self the truth… _

_You know, when I was little; I thought that a mother was born a mother. That a teacher had always been a teacher. Or that a soldier could never be anything other than a soldier. And I've always had the impression that they were different beings than me. _

…_even now, I still think like that._

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Memory

They had been walking down the streets of London for most of the afternoon. After a week of no word from Harry, Hermione had gone to his place and dragged him to have lunch with her. It was like this most of the time, he never felt the need to owl nor her or Ron, for a catch up. He did it with everyone else, but apparently he never felt the need to work on keeping in touch with them. They just would never walk away from each others lives. When in need one would always be there, no questions asked, no matter what.

They had been walking in silence for almost half an hour when Harry spoke

"Why did you run away?"

"Run away? I don't understand what you mean, I'm here" she said keeping her eyes in an unknown point in front of them.

"Yesterday. At the hospital. When we visited Tonks and Remus. You gave Nathan to Remus and ran away. Why?"

"I didn't run away, that's silly" she said smiling a perfectly fake smile at him. "I was just in a hurry; you know I still had rounds in the hospital"

"Oh c'mon 'mione, don't lie to me" He said making an exasperated movement. "I can see through you like water, so let's just avoid me having to get it out of you and just tell me" She took a deep breath and signaled a coffee place they had just passed by.

"Let's go in, I don't want to talk standing in the middle of the street"

"Sure, I wouldn't mind a cup of coffee." They both entered and sat in a table by the window. After 5 minutes they were sipping their hot cups of coffee and no word have been uttered. Harry had his eyes on Hermione and she had hers on the people that walked by outside the store. Suddenly a couple entered the store with a little boy behind, obviously their son. As soon as the bell that was hanging on the door notifying a new arrival sounded, Hermione turned her face towards them and stared. Seconds passed and no word was uttered.

"Have you ever thought of having children?" Hermione asked out of the blue scaring Harry who in surprise spilled the coffee he was drinking.

"Bloody hell!" They both quickly started cleaning the mess with some napkins. "Where the hell did that came from!" He asked clearly still in shock.

"It's just that since we went to see Nathan I've thinking about that" She calmly said while finishing the cleaning. Harry keep staring at her still in some kind of trance with out being able to utter any word. "Since I held him I felt something I've never felt before. I was weird, it felt so perfect" He didn't move and she continued "I want to know what it feels like to have children, to feel them inside of me. I want to feed them and… "She stopped after noticing Harry's face "Hey! No, not now!" She quickly tried to emend her words "In the future, married, I don't even have a boyfriend now!" He took a deep breath and smiled back at her

"For a moment there you really scared me" He laughed "I don't know how I could have thought you wanted it now" He keep laughing and she somehow forced her self to find it funny and laugh too

"God Harry don't you know me at all? Of course I would want it to be something better planned to be sure it's not a mistake"

"Then Yes, I want children very much" he said. They stayed in silence for a moment "That's why you ran away?" He asked unsure

"I think that feeling scared the hell out of me!" She said blushing

"I can understand that. Something like that would scare me too" he placed his hand on top of hers "It will happen, don't worry. You'll find someone and you'll get married, and have plenty of children to drive you nuts" They both laughed

"You are right, someday" she smiled at him

"Years in the future" He smiled back

End of memory

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Hermione had just arrived home from the hospital, after a long tiring day. The place was empty, Ginny was most likely still working on her last article. Hermione entered an hung her coat, then waked into the kitchen to start cooking dinner. She turned the radio on and while singing along the music that was playing, she started preparing the spaghetti.

**_I go crazy, crazy, baby, I go crazy  
You turn it on  
Then you're gone  
Yeah you drive me  
Crazy, crazy, crazy, for you baby   
What can I do, honey  
I feel like the color blue..._**

"As a singer, you'd starve" Ginny said from the kitchen door still in her coat and shop bag on her hand.

"Oh, c'mon, I'm not that bad!" Hermione laughed in embarrassment after being caught in such a un-Hermione way.

"No… your aren't, but don't think about leaving your current job" Ginny winked at her "What's got you so happy anyway? I hardly ever see you in such good spirits" She said while leaving her coat on a chair and placing the bag on the table. "What can I do to help?"

"Do the salsa" Hermione said as she filled the pot with hot water "I don't know why I'm so happy, I just am. It was a very long day, nothing bad happen. But nothing worth mentioning either. What about you? Went to Diagon alley I see. What did you get?" Hermione said pointing the white bag Ginny had been carrying.

"Oh! Your going to love it, it's for you. Well not for you per se, but for little Hayley there" Ginny opened the package and revealed what could only be described as baby clothing "You like?" she asked while showing her a tiny pink outfit

"Oh my god, Gin, you shouldn't have! It's perfect thank you so much!" She said hugging her friend as strong as she could.

"It's nothing, besides I know you're still kind of afraid of going to Diagon alley to buy, so I thought it would be a good idea. Besides It's my duty as Godmother to spoilt her" Said Ginny proudly

"You don't now what this means to me" Hermione said while inspecting everything Ginny had bought. "I'll take this to my room. Can you-" She said gesturing the pot of hot water

"Yeah, yeah, go. I'll finish here" Hermione took everything and left while Ginny continued with dinner. It hadn't been more than 2 minutes when the phone rang "I'll get it!" Ginny yelled at Hermione. "Hello"

"_Hey Gin, How are you"_ said the person at the other side of the line.

"Oh my God! How are you? Where are you? Wait, no you've got to talk to Hermione!" Ginny put down the phone and ran to Hermione's room "Come quickly! You have to answer! Hurry"

"What? Wait, whose calling?" Ginny didn't answer and dragged her to the phone and forced it on her. "Hello, this is Hermione"

"'_mione… It's great to hear you"_

"Harry… How- How are you?" Her brain stopped functioning for a moment, all she could think was that this was Harry, she was talking to him, now he'll be back and everything will be fine.

"_I'm fine, Great actually. I'm in Spain now, in Barcelona to be more specific. But tell me about you, how's everyone? I've been missing you all like crazy!"_ he laughed "_You have no idea how great it is to hear your voice"_

"I'm fine, everyone's fine. We've missed you too, when will you be back?" Somehow the knot in her throat wasn't leaving, and she was shacking like a terrified child after a nightmare.

"_Back? No, I'm going to Latin America now. I meet some people and they're going to go through all latin America back-packing, and I'm joining them! Isn't it great! That's why I called you. I wanted you to know_" Then a flirty female voice was heard from the back ground _"Harry, cariño, apresurate te estamos esperando"_ And Harry spoke to her _"Un momento Julia, ya termiono_"

"Who's her?" Hermione asked jealously and fear corrupting her mind

"_She's… Julia"_ and then he laughed nervously _"I've got to go, don't worry I'm fine, tell everyone I miss them! Love you 'mione, bye!"_ And then he hung up. She stood there with the phone in her hands for a few moments and then she collapsed sobbing on the floor, tears started to running freely and her arms wrapped protectively around her mid section.

"'mione, what's wrong? what happened? Why didn't you tell him to come back?" Ginny kneeled in front of her friend and wrapped her arms around her.

"He has a girlfriend" Hermione said in between sobs. "He hung up because she was calling him in Spanish!" She lifted her face from Ginny's shoulder and with a tear stained face looked at her in the eye "What am I going to do now?"

"Oh dear. I'm here, we're all here. Don't worry you're not alone" Ginny said rocking her into peace "You're not alone"

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Translations:

_Harry, cariño, apresurate te estamos esperand__o _: Harry darling, we're waiting for you

_Un momento Julia, ya termino _: one moment Julia, almost done.


End file.
